morerobots:

So because of that previous post I reblogged with the person feeling sorry for deaf/hoh because we can apparently hear nothing and live in a world of silence, I wanted to share something more personal.

When I was in fifth grade, I joined the school choir. Thought it would be fun, and all my friends were in it too and encouraged me to join. If I have music I can more or less figure out where I’m supposed to be at singing wise so I wasn’t a failure at it.

One day for the spring concert, the teacher asked for volunteers for more solo-y stuff and I volunteered because why not (I was one of those kids who was into participating and stuff). When she got to me she had this look on her face, I’ll never forget it ever I don’t know how to describe it but it was a weird look, like a mixture of condescension and pity and trying to figure out what to do with me. But she said she’ll find something for me to do.

This is what she found: everyone would sing the star spangled banner and I would sign it. No! I wanted to sing. I didn’t even know how to sign. But I took it. I learned the signs, everyone loved it - it was kind of cool and I did a really good job so I’m proud of that at least - but it was still disheartening because she still singled me out since I’m deaf I clearly cannot sing. Also because I’m deaf clearly I know how to sign (not true).

So, that attitude is one I’ve had to deal with a lot. That because I’m deaf I can’t appreciate or express myself through music. It makes me especially irate to see people think they understand this aspect.

Yeah, when I was in elementary school (grade 4), we had music class and I was super excited about it. I started playing the recorder and even though I couldn’t feel the vibrations (thus not much of a reward for me) I still had fun memorizing the notes and playing with everyone. The teacher thought I was good and went out of her way to give me private lessons with playing the piano which was more fun for me. In high school, I asked the music teacher to let me join the school band so I could play the drum or something that had a lot of vibrations. I was alllllll about drums (to the point where I taught myself to play the bongo - haha - at home) but she said I couldn’t, because I was deaf. I was way more into art so I kind of just brushed it off and focused more on art and metalwork. But looking back, it pisses me off.